So if you remember towards the end of January, I wrote about how February is the bane of my existence each year. Maybe that was the opposite of a self-fulfilling prophecy — a jinx, if you will. Because this February has flown by, so quickly the usual misery didn’t have time to latch onto me.
I have several theories for why. Firstly, not exactly a jinx, but writing about it, being honest rather than hiding my fears, liberated me to face February in a way I haven’t been able to before. In a way, the demons were warned: I’ve sounded the alarm, and others are watching for the attack.
Partially, in an attempt to reaffirm to readers that I am okay, I’ve been better about writing and posting this month. It’s kept me distracted with a creative outlet to reenergize me every few days. Also, little things like my style challenge increased the distractions — keeping me focused on little, life things so the dull, boring February days couldn’t leave room for despair to fester.
I’ve been taking a bit better care of myself this year. Things like going for walks, hikes, and doing yoga with both more regularity and less rigidity than I would have in the past. And, without going into *too* much detail, this month for medical reasons I was taken off the oral contraceptives I’ve been on for the past thirteen years, and I think the lack of synthetic hormones has helped mellow out at least some of my more temperamental moods. Also, eating more vegetarian meals (and a lot less red meat especially) all probably helps in a healthy-body, healthy-mind kind of way. You know, because science.
And of course, I have to give credit to my current situation. My husband warns we’re still in the honeymoon phase of living in this new city, but after seven months I am still so in love with Saint Louis. More than the physical city, the feeling I have here — like I belong in a way I never felt in the DC area — is beyond comforting. Gone is the tension and stress of a life measured against every designer handbag and luxury vehicle rolling down the street. There are lovely, wonderful people in DC, but the people of the midwest have been so welcoming, I truly believe it’s a little bit magical. It’s soothed my soul in a way that has certainly helped me approach this season with a calmer spirit.
The struggle continues, but it’s becoming easier to cling to the edge of the precipice rather than give up and tumble into darkness.