Darkness Falls…In My Stairwell

I’m here to talk to you today about the scariest movie I’ve seen. Mostly because I think about it every-freakin-day as I walk up the stairs from the garage to my apartment.

There’s a light out on the landing between the 4th and 5th floors in my stairwell, which isn’t exactly a “safety issue”–it creates a *tiny* pocket of darkness one must step inside as she turns the corner around the stair railing, but otherwise visibility is fine. NO ONE would take issue with this (beyond the frustration of like hello, can someone change a lightbulb? what kind of professionally managed building is this??) unless they’ve been scarred for life by a horror movie involving darkness.

I’ve never been one for scary movies, but most of the (admittedly few) horror flicks I’ve seen haven’t lingered like this one–and the friends who watched Darkness Falls with me laughed at the ridiculousness and fondly reminisced about how the restroom lights were out at the theater the day they’d gone to see it the first time. I remember being afraid during Halloween H20 (the only of the Halloween franchise I’ve seen, oddly enough), The Bogeyman, The Descent, The Hills Have Eyes…but I could hardly tell you anything that happens in any of them now.

I tried watching Darkness Falls again, thinking a second go around would help me laugh it off the way those friends had. It only reignited my terror of the dark (something I already had and continue to deal with on occasion to this day).

See, the whole premise is you can’t peek when the tooth fairy comes to take your lost teeth, or else she’ll murder you. And OF COURSE the stupid kid peeks, so she murders his family while he takes cover in the fully-lit bathroom, because any light burns her. The image of her floating in the shadows above the door to the bathroom as it spills light into the hallway is BURNED onto my brain and I think of it every single time I reach that damn dark landing in my stairwell.

SO if any 4th or 5th floor neighbors happen to read this blog, those terrified high-heeled stomps you hear every day around 5pm belong to me, racing away from the potential tooth fairy who may or may not be out for my blood because I totally saw her when I watched the movie.

Any movies still fill you with irrational fear? Please tell me I’m not alone!

(Of course, I’m not. The tooth fairy is waiting around every shadow *wink*)

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Reflections on an Okay, Terrible Month

So if you remember towards the end of January, I wrote about how February is the bane of my existence each year. Maybe that was the opposite of a self-fulfilling prophecy — a jinx, if you will. Because this February has flown by, so quickly the usual misery didn’t have time to latch onto me.

I have several theories for why. Firstly, not exactly a jinx, but writing about it, being honest rather than hiding my fears, liberated me to face February in a way I haven’t been able to before. In a way, the demons were warned: I’ve sounded the alarm, and others are watching for the attack.

Partially, in an attempt to reaffirm to readers that I am okay, I’ve been better about writing and posting this month. It’s kept me distracted with a creative outlet to reenergize me every few days. Also, little things like my style challenge increased the distractions — keeping me focused on little, life things so the dull, boring February days couldn’t leave room for despair to fester.

I’ve been taking a bit better care of myself this year. Things like going for walks, hikes, and doing yoga with both more regularity and less rigidity than I would have in the past. And, without going into *too* much detail, this month for medical reasons I was taken off the oral contraceptives I’ve been on for the past thirteen years, and I think the lack of synthetic hormones has helped mellow out at least some of my more temperamental moods. Also, eating more vegetarian meals (and a lot less red meat especially) all probably helps in a healthy-body, healthy-mind kind of way. You know, because science.

And of course, I have to give credit to my current situation. My husband warns we’re still in the honeymoon phase of living in this new city, but after seven months I am still so in love with Saint Louis. More than the physical city, the feeling I have here — like I belong in a way I never felt in the DC area — is beyond comforting. Gone is the tension and stress of a life measured against every designer handbag and luxury vehicle rolling down the street. There are lovely, wonderful people in DC, but the people of the midwest have been so welcoming, I truly believe it’s a little bit magical. It’s soothed my soul in a way that has certainly helped me approach this season with a calmer spirit.

The struggle continues, but it’s becoming easier to cling to the edge of the precipice rather than give up and tumble into darkness.