It occurred to me the other day how similar my life is to a season of The Bachelor. Okay, it isn’t really, but just bear with me. I’m part of this online writing community called Scribophile, where we upload chapters of our works-in-progress, and read and critique each others’ works. It’s amazing and encouraging and so so helpful.
But. Sometimes I feel a little guilty about how long it takes me to return a critique. I get wrapped up in some stories and just want to keep reading them, other relationships be damned!, but I try to be fair about returning the attention I receive. If someone takes the time to offer me feedback on a chapter, I want to show my appreciation by offering the same. Also, there are several stories I’m really into–not just one. I’ve established critique relationships with a bunch of people and enjoy the dialogue we maintain about our works on a regular basis, so I feel like I’m missing a friend when we go too long without conversing.
So anyway, I was chatting with one friend about his story and thinking about how I want to just charge ahead and finish his book so we can have a full, big-picture type discussion (and because I’m very excited for the developments I know are coming up because I totally peeked ahead–don’t tell my mom, I hate it when she does this!). Meanwhile, I have the first chapter of a whole new story/crit-relationship pulled up to start on, and I got this irrational thought that it was almost like cheating on his story, because I felt so excited about this new one. And that’s crazy, because loving a new story doesn’t make previously-read stories any less loved (I’ve got several bookshelves of proof).
Maybe it’s because The Bachelorette recently started its newest season, but my mind instantly went to the show, and how one person seems to genuinely enjoy her time with every guy when it’s his turn. It’s always seemed odd to me, like can she really be so *into* this one when she was just laughing so hard with that one?
Obviously this is a very different scenario. I’m just saying that I see now how something can be absorbing and delightful and take up a person’s full attention, only for the same to be true of something similar (and yet, completely different).
The other day we were walking up the stairs and he mentioned ever so casually that “Darkness Falls scared me too. I still think about every so often when I realize I’m standing in the dark.” And I was like *yay I’m not the only loser still deeply affected by a horror film about tooth fairies* and then I thought wait, how did I not know this until now? and THEN I realized: “Hey! You read my blog post!” which shouldn’t have been surprising because he always does read them. He’s just been so busy with school and applying for jobs and carefully not mentioning reading my blog because then I’ll ask if he’s read the most recent book chapter I’ve sent him and really passive aggressively mention something along the lines of “so much for reading a chapter a day, huh?” and he’ll feel guilty because he loves me but hates reading apparently, and I’ll feel guilty for feeling pleased that I made him feel guilty and it’s just a whole big thing.
I’m here to talk to you today about the scariest movie I’ve seen. Mostly because I think about it every-freakin-day as I walk up the stairs from the garage to my apartment.
There’s a light out on the landing between the 4th and 5th floors in my stairwell, which isn’t exactly a “safety issue”–it creates a *tiny* pocket of darkness one must step inside as she turns the corner around the stair railing, but otherwise visibility is fine. NO ONE would take issue with this (beyond the frustration of like hello, can someone change a lightbulb? what kind of professionally managed building is this??) unless they’ve been scarred for life by a horror movie involving darkness.
I’ve never been one for scary movies, but most of the (admittedly few) horror flicks I’ve seen haven’t lingered like this one–and the friends who watched Darkness Falls with me laughed at the ridiculousness and fondly reminisced about how the restroom lights were out at the theater the day they’d gone to see it the first time. I remember being afraid during Halloween H20 (the only of the Halloween franchise I’ve seen, oddly enough), The Bogeyman, The Descent, The Hills Have Eyes…but I could hardly tell you anything that happens in any of them now.
I tried watching Darkness Falls again, thinking a second go around would help me laugh it off the way those friends had. It only reignited my terror of the dark (something I already had and continue to deal with on occasion to this day).
See, the whole premise is you can’t peek when the tooth fairy comes to take your lost teeth, or else she’ll murder you. And OF COURSE the stupid kid peeks, so she murders his family while he takes cover in the fully-lit bathroom, because any light burns her. The image of her floating in the shadows above the door to the bathroom as it spills light into the hallway is BURNED onto my brain and I think of it every single time I reach that damn dark landing in my stairwell.
SO if any 4th or 5th floor neighbors happen to read this blog, those terrified high-heeled stomps you hear every day around 5pm belong to me, racing away from the potential tooth fairy who may or may not be out for my blood because I totally saw her when I watched the movie.
Any movies still fill you with irrational fear? Please tell me I’m not alone!
(Of course, I’m not. The tooth fairy is waiting around every shadow *wink*)
Brightly Burning by Alexa Donne was the 5th book I finished this year (because OF COURSE I’m counting) and it was such a delight.
It takes my favorite classic: Jane Eyre, teases out all the modern-day young-adult themes I know and love, and plops the storyline on a futuristic space ship orbiting Earth.
Stella, our main character, is a delightful young woman who is both bold and understands her “place” in terms of social structure. I could relate whole-heartedly to her, preferring to keep to her quarters and read or draw rather than socialize with her peers, getting brazen only under the influence of a few strong drinks, or once she’s comfortable. Hugo, the love interest (yes, that’s the role I’m designating for him–I suppose he could be a quasi-antagonist much like the Mr. Rochester he’s based upon), is mysterious and broody, maybe more handsome than the original but I let that slide. Personally, I liked the mysterious Mr. Rochester being so much older (maybe it’s my thing for Bruce Willis making age gaps feel so irrelevant), and so was a touch disappointed Hugo was around Stella’s age–but then I figured it’s way less ok for a 17-year-old to start a love affair with her older employer in this day and age than it might have been in Charlotte Brontë’s time.
I loved that this story had that comforting familiarity of a well-loved story, yet enough new twists/plot points to keep things fresh. More than once I found myself thinking “well Jane Eyre went this direction, but there’s no way for that to happen here” or “how will she handle X if Y is so different in this version?” so nothing felt stale.
If you like SciFi YA (that’s science fiction young adult, mom), hundo p–this book is for you. If you’re a fan of Jane Eyre, I’d also highly recommend this novel.
It’s been long enough. First off, I completely get why people do it. It makes sense that taking a month to discipline yourself into carving out chunks of time to write, a time when so many people around the world are also writing, encouraging you on, all of that goodness would help a person get 50,000 words onto a page.
I’m very competitive. I do not like to lose. As soon as I start to feel like I’m losing, I hate whatever game I’m playing and just want to quit.
I’m also not a quitter. It makes for a really uncomfortable experience when part of me wants to pout and storm off and the other part is like nah we gotta at least finish this bitch. Add to that the desire to be more forgiving and loving towards myself and you get a hot freaking mess come mid-November.
I think I got around 20,000 words written, which is no small thing. But unlike last summer, when I was churning out several thousand words a day, my heart wasn’t in it. My head was barely in it–more focused on word count and “sprints” and the desire to edit my current story rather than start working on the sequel. Plus my husband was around, which makes it so hard.
That’s the best problem to have as a writer/human being, though. I have someone in my life whose very presence makes it hard to focus on other things. Even if he’s in the other room working on schoolwork or watching TV, a part of me just wants to be beside him, and feels like any moment I’m not is ultimately squandered. That also makes it difficult to pursue my writing sometimes, which is frustrating and makes me angry with him for making me love him so damn much. There was a lot of moodiness in November that only added to the misery of failing at Nanowrimo wordcounts and falling behind in working on my current novel.
So, for me, it was a very good lesson learned: National Novel Writing Month is not a thing I’ll participate in again, at least not in the near future.
I may be hard at work typing my heart out, but there’s always time for music. I wouldn’t get through most days without it, let alone 30 days of isolation-style writing. So here it is. Back at it with my most recent mix
- Let’s Be Still – The Head and the Heart (One of the loveliest time-out-from-real-life songs I’ve ever heard)
- On the Line – Night Riots (My NaNoWriMo 2018 kick-off song! “Digging dreams out of the fire, feeling the doubt getting tighter, no backing down, take me higher!”)
- Unholy War – Jacob Banks
- *Starboy – The Weeknd, Daft Punk (for better or worse, this is now the song to celebrate my first draft of the Blood and Water manuscript–I just kept saying “look what I’ve done!” to the tune, which had to be followed by “I’m a muthafckn starboy!” PS those are pretty much the only lyrics I understand which makes me feel super-old but it doesn’t stop me from loving the beat)
- Stomp Me Out – Bryce Fox
- Smoked Out of Heaven – Saint Claire (“All of those tiny hollows”…Possibly my favorite song ever. Broken and beautiful and so poetic…and, not that this will mean anything to anyone but my mom–yet–but it is also a perfect song for my main character towards the end of Book 1/start of Book 2)
- The Sound of Silence – Disturbed (sorry Simon & Garfunkel, this version gives me chills every time)
- Come Follow Me Down – George Taylor (Fun fact: this music video has snakes in it, so now we’re all stuck waiting until enough time has passed for the video to end before I click back into YouTube to look for the next video…)
- Bury Me Face Down – grandson
- Gladiator – Zayde Wølf (find me a better pump-up song, I dare you!)
- Marble Floors – Vian Izak, Through Juniper Vale (oh, the whimsy)
- Demons – Jacob Lee
You can find the full YouTube list here. If you missed my previous playlists and are interested, you can find Mix 1 here and Mix 2 here.
Tonight is October 31st which means all the ghouls and goblins and slutty cheerleaders will be out and about.
I must confess, Halloween is not my holiday. Maybe I’m bitter because my birthday is so close to Halloween, it’s always overshadowed by costume parties. I’m more looking forward to the discounted candy tomorrow.
Also, NaNoWriMo starts tomorrow, and this year, I’m
competing participating. Since joining Scribophile I’ve made a bunch of new writing buddies, some of whom have encouraged me to give National Novel Writing Month a try. For those who don’t know, NaNoWriMo is a month dedicated to completing a novel! The goal is 50,000 words in one month, which is roughly 1,667 words/day. EEK.
I’ll be using this time to dive into the sequel to my current WIP. I’m trying very hard not to get too competitive with it–there is, after all, a LOT going on in November apart from writing, but I do want to give it my best shot. I anticipate sneaking in quite a bit of writing at work (sh!) and a lot of evenings spent ignoring my husband…
If-slash-when I survive it, I will be sure to hop on here and tell you all about it. Meanwhile, I’ll try to schedule another post or two this month today, so I don’t drop completely off the face of the blogging-planet!